I woke with a stir, hearing voices in the rest of the house… sounded like yelling. My son was riding his motorcycle slash bike all over the kitchen. I hear the voices again, its my step-dad trying to wake my sister up to get her to go to G.E.D. He was on his way out, doing whatever guys do on their days off from work. I get up out of bed and check my email and realize that my sister might not come home in time for me to do what I need to do today, so I tell her I am going with her. The next thing I know, after I get dressed and get the kid ready, my sister tells me that he says I can not take the car. I jump to conclusions, naturally, as I so often do and start to get pissed… infuriated even. Tears well up and I run outside to yell “I knew this shit would happen, you hold something over my head to keep me here because you are mad about something that I think is retarded.” And really that is the censored version of what I said, but you get the gist of it. My sister leaves and then he leaves… and I felt so taunted and laughed at that I began to get even more pissed, trying everything I could to NOT break everything in site. I think I mumbled a few incoherent words with “I’m to old for this shit” somewhere in the middle. After walking around the house in a huff, I sat at this computer and couldn’t get into facebook, account unavailable, which made my mood even worse and the tears fell. Now I do not cry that often, it takes a lot for me to cry, especially out of anger. So I sat back staring at the screen, my eyes soggy, my son sitting next to me as if he wanted to help but didn’t know how. Eventually all the torment subsided, and I had a headache. I sighed a few times and turned cartoons on for my son. I sat at my computer again and still did not surf the net, digesting all that had happened within a few minutes. What a fucking way to wake up in the morning.
I can only guess, but I think ten minutes passed and I saw my step dad return. He came back into the house and sat in the chair in facing me at the dining room table. He explained to me that it was not what I assumed. Turns out that my sister has been using me as an excuse to not go to G.E.D. And he was trying to push her to go. She does not seem to care about her future lately, and I agree. He asked me what it is that I need to do during the day and I explained. He understood and made it a point to mention that it was nothing against me. I said okay. And so we are working out a schedule so that she can go to G.E.D. like she is supposed to, and I can get my shit taken care of. He then took the opportunity to ask about my sons father and his progress. He said that he still is not very fond of him, which I can understand why, and that he would like to see more progress. I explained as much progress as I could without trying to get any sympathy, because I know that if I try to get any sympathy from this man it does not work… He lives a certain way, was brought up a certain way, and can not sympathize with someone in my or my guys position. So all we can do is show him that things are getting done… it takes time and we are working on it the best way we can.
On another note, I was at Wal-Mart the other day, standing in line waiting to check out. I notice a guy in my peripheral vision as he walks past me but took no notice. Then suddenly a hand comes from behind me and reaches around and holds me, at first I assume its my guy, but I turn to see a complete stranger grabbing me… I almost punched him in the face but then he says “hug me please” and I could tell that he was mentally challenged. He tried to hug me and wouldnt let go right away. I was so shook up all I could do was push him away.. eventually he ran off to probably go hug another stranger. My one and only thought for that is WHERE THE HELL IS THE PERSON THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO KEEP AND EYE ON HIM??? Someone was not doing their job at all that day. On top of that, imagine someone walking up to Monk (the character in the show, not an actual monk) and hugging them like that. I do not like being touched by strangers it FREAKS me out. The only person that can touch me is my guy, because I chose him to be the one I touch and touches me… other than that… even my family cant touch me without my say so. Imagine that.
