You know the expression, “when life hands you lemons, smile and make lemonade”? That expression makes me want to kick harmless furry creatures across the lawn. I truly wish that I blessed with a sunny disposition. Maybe it’s in my DNA, or maybe it was my childhood, but I am not one of those people who looks at adversity as a chance to show my better side, in fact, I lean more towards the bitter side.
It seems like things in life generally coast by on a pretty even keel for a while, and then when one thing goes wrong, a million others follow.
The first grievance that I have for this week, I admit, is a rather selfish and absurd one: I got brand new furniture for my living room. And we’re not talking “brand new to me” furniture, like what I had from a garage sale, but we are talking $4,000 worth of quality leather, nail-head trim, right-off-the-show-room-floor, gloriousness of furniture.
Check out my couch:
And the “love seat” which my friends is big enough for a “whole lotta LOVE” (unfortunately, I’m not getting ANY!)
And then finally, on to my complaint, the chair (*I also got an ottoman to match, but it’s on backorder, hmph!)
That S.O.B. is big enough for me and a small army. Seriously, you want to come over and bring, like, your whole family and sit with me? Great, we can sit in this ONE CHAIR. I know that you think I’m exaggerating, but the measurements for the chair are as big as my last loveseat. That’s insanity! Furniture makers must think that our asses are getting fatter because that is one monstrosity of a chair! (Hey, keep your opinions about my back-side to yourself there, honey).
I was really overwhelmed on Tuesday when they delivered the furniture. I think for one, I was concerned with the amount of money I spent. I mean c’mon, the economy is in the crapper, receivables at the office have been slow, is right now really the best time to be spending money on big-ticket items? I burst into tears as soon as the delivery guys left fretting over whether I had made the right decision, what if I lost my job, what if, what if , what if. And then it hit me. I miss my granddad. He was the one person who when I went to spend a boatload of cash would always encourage me to spend the very most my budget would allow to get the very best quality items and to get what I really wanted. I know that sounds like crazy advice, but it is so true. Because if you settle for less than what you really want, eventually you will be unhappy with what you purchased and itching to replace it.
Then, right after ALL THAT DRAMA with the furniture and my whacked out hormonal response (do not even get me started on my missing period – Aunt Flo missed my house again this month and no, I’m not preggo *see aforementioned comment about not getting any – I mean non, nada, zip, scram, nuttin’!), our HOT WATER HEATER decides to crap out. Fortunately, (counting my blessings 1, 2, 3) it didn’t spring a leak, it’s merely got a part malfunctioning in the auto-lighting-thing-a-ma-bobber (technical, I know). It’s going to cost me about $50 to get the part and pay my friend to install it, but that’s A LOT cheaper than buying a hot water heater right now before the holiest of all holy days - BLACK FRIDAY.
I know you are reading this thinking “that’s no so bad, quit yer bitchin’” but there’s more. Today, driving to work, my “Check Engine” light came on. Now, for most people this wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Hell, I know people that drive around for YEARS with that sucker blaring bright red and never have a problem, it’s a glitch or something. Well, excuse me for going all “paranoid” on ya, but the last time my check ANYTHING light came on my car started spontaneously stopping on me. Yeah, you heard me, I’d be going 60 down the highway and BAM! Nothing. Literally from 60 to 0 in .2 seconds. We were almost roadkill, it was terrifying and a real pain in my ass. I took it into the dealer, and of course it wouldn’t do it again for them, and it took them over TWO WEEKS to get a diagnosis and they found out the entire computer system had failed, it needed to be replaced and it was going to cost $5,000 (on a car I still owed $10,000 on). Fortunately, I had purchased the extended warranty, and the insurance company paid the claim (who’s stupid now, sucker?!?!). So yeah, I’m a tad stressed to the mother freaking limit about the whole car thing.
I mean, it’s NEVER a good time to have hot water heater and car troubles – but people seriously – it’s almost CHRISTMAS!!! And I’m still a good 4 weeks away from my bonus! ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!
Unfortunately I know from experience that sometime life is just hard, and there is nothing you can do about it. It’s times like these I really miss being a little kid, miss my granddad who always had all the right answers, and get really pissed at my soul-mate for taking so long to find me. If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a dozen more times, when I find “Mr. Right” I’m so punching him the arm for taking such a long time to ride in on his white horse and save the day!
Oh well. Like the song from the Eli Young Band says: “When it rains, I don’t mind being lonely, I cry right along with the sky…” It’s a downpour here people, and my eyes are crying.
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